What the fuck?

Camo activity has completely stopped. Seriously. I had left it a few days just to make sure.

Absolutely nothing.

What the fuck?

Quick Update

Camo's activity has taken a sharp rise for some reason.

He has attacked a proxy bank, which is bold even by his standards. This attack also involved more people. Typically we have observed him operating alone. I wonder what happened?

Grace.

In the meantime of our travels, we have been asking every proxy we saw if they had either seen a girl by Sanna's description, or a man by Camo's description. In London we saw a girl with an operator symbol on her hoody, maybe just a tiny bit older than Alexandria, so we approached her.

Kyrylo said, "You seen a girl around here about this high," (he indicated) "quite skinny, brown hair, green eyes? Seems to be homeless? Maybe she answers to the name Sanna?"

"Depends who's asking." She put her hand in her pocket. Not so subtle. That is why I always walk around with my hands in my pockets.

Ky: "I am. You blind? I'm Kyrylo Soldatov. This girl, she would be about seventeen, a little Runner girl. Oh, and when I first met her, I carved into her left arm, so she'll have that scar there. You seen her, or what?" (It is a pretty distinctive scar, I would say – a 'K' shape, which I believe was deliberate.)

"You're a proxy? Good enough for me. I'll send word out." She started navigating her phone. "A picture or something would help."

She gave her email address and Kyrylo sent her a photo of Alexandria, must have been from when they first met. From the email, it was apparent that this proxy was called Grace.

Grace said, "Looks like you had her, how'd that go south?"

I almost cringed, because Kyrylo told the truth: "Oh, we weren't allowed to kill her 'cause of her daddy. Besides, it wasn't what I paid for."

G: "If this is something personal, it's gonna cost you. We gotta make money somehow."

This so obvious that it was not our concern; we all know there is a price tag on Alexandria. Kyrylo told her, "We want her alive."

Lyle snickered. "No, you want her alive as a plaything."

It is true that Kyrylo wanted to test out a flamethrower on Alexandria, but I like to be optimistic and think that he just wanted more information. Nonetheless, Kyrylo amended his statement to "I want her alive."

She looked at all of us, obviously wary. Good. You all should be so careful. "You three have money, and something about this stinks. You want our help, you need to do us a favour. OK?"

Ky: "All I asked you, was if you'd seen her. But you seem to want to help us find her. I take that to mean you know her?"

G: "Haven't seen her, but there's a couple of dozen proxies working for me. We can probably find her if she's in London. Besides, I get the feeling you can get us armed. Master knows we need guns out here."

Ky: "Sure. In return, you can have some guns, our muscle, plus I guess your proxies can have a go with Sanna if they want." Sometimes Runners might have access to information other proxies want, see.

She snorted, used her phone to send the word out. "They know better. We'll be in touch when we find her." 

"Think you're better than us, huh? You ain't. You double cross us, and we shoot without question. Insurance aside, thank you for your co-operation, madam." He did the gang symbol, so did I.

We all walked off in our respective directions.

Now, Kyrylo is impatiently trying to get the keyboard off me and jhgrowing more agresssiev by teh secnod so I’ll have to finuhsfi h siu hjidsfb tryr uft ajo WE'RE COMING FOR CAMO AND SANKA! <3 <3 <3

Update

We were almost at a dead end with Camo until we turned to international sources. Now we have a pretty clear picture of where he's been before, across Europe. So maybe we will figure out where he'll go next. Something seemed odd about it until Kyrylo had a look, after which he explained he could see a pattern. Now we don't have a solid identity for Camo. But we do have a classified idea.

That said, our interest has not gone unnoticed by him. It seems to make him all the more hostile. I have not tracked him having any contact with anyone important here. But we have some leads to follow.

Vladik here. I'm firing this blog back up

to catalog an abnormality. Recently a newcomer in Moscow has come to our attention. A man in a grey camouflage coat, who we've taken to calling Camouflage.

He first appeared on our radar when we planned to strike a proxy base. We arrived to find the base already cleared, then in the distance we saw a man walking in the distance, hands in his pockets, massive gun on his back.

We sent Lisa to go talk to him. Before she could get to him, he had seen her running up and blasted her leg off from the knee downwards, with what we believe to be an anti-materiel rifle. Then he fled. Lisa described the man as having the grey camo coat, and frozen brown eyes.

We've tracked him causing noteworthy damage to proxy operations ever since.

If you know this man, or know his deal, tell me.

ALEXANDRIA LARINA!!!!!!!

ARTSYOM HERE. Up and out of jail. Which I will explain another time because ALEXANDRIA ANSWER YOUR PHONE RIGHT FUCKING NOW BITCH. DON'T MAKE ME DO SOMETHING I'LL REGRET. YOU HAVE NO GODDAMN IDEA WHAT YOU'VE GOTTEN YOURSELF INTO. YOU ARE A FUCKING AIRHEAD, I SHOULD HAVE NEVER LET YOU GO, I SHOULD HAVE CHAINED YOU TO THE FUCKING RADIATOR. IN FACT, I WILL DO THAT WHEN I GET TO YOU. I'M OUTSIDE THE BUILDING. WHY IS YOUR HIDEOUT SO CLOSE TO WHERE DIMIR LIVES? OH WAIT, BECAUSE YOU'RE A STUPID WHORE.

I BUSTED MY ASS TRYING TO SAVE YOU. BEFORE YOUR MOTHER WALKED OUT ON ME, I BUSTED MY ASS TRYING TO FEED YOU BOTH. YOU OWE ME THIS!!! 

IF YOU SCREAM, I'LL SLICE YOUR FUCKING THROAT OPEN! I'LL DO THE GODDAMN SAME IF YOU EVEN TRY TO FIGHT BACK! AND IF I SEE YOU TRYING TO CALL INCOGNITO OR KELEVRA, I'LL CUT YOUR FUCKING HANDS AND TONGUE OFF!

Fuck.

Vladik posting.

As you know, she told me what was happening and I promised I would not tell anyone else. Given the nature of it, I understand why she would keep it a secret. As it is, she has many factions after her and her condition makes her the worst thing you can be to criminals, servants and other monsters - useful.

She believes she may die. I do not think so. Artyom has entrusted me with her preservation. As I have stated, her condition makes her useful and if she were in the hands of anyone who wished to use it, she would be in for a horrible time, so, I see why she is scared. You cannot see it because you are not here, but I see it. I see the physical and emotional pain it causes her every day, I see how frightened she is. She wants to be comforted but she will not let me or Kyrylo touch her. It reaches a point where I would consider terminating her, but I think Artyom would get to me, inside or outside of prison.

It seems to me, though, that putting her down is the only kind thing I could do for her. Kyrylo, however, takes the optimistic approach and says we will simply have to zero in on the cause. But she will not let us touch her.

We need to find someone she would let near her. We considered her father, but then... quickly ruled it out. Her grandparents live elsewhere and we consider them an option, but we are not sure of how involved they are in the first place.

the child.

Vladik and I found Alexandria and convinced her to come to my safehouse. When I say convinced, I mean, "dragged kicking and screaming and thrown into the trunk of my car". I cannot imagine how hard it was for Artyom to be a parent to this child.

She seems to hate me in particular, which I do not think is fair. She tried to kill me and I think that she owes me an apology! I may have to convince her to apologize to me.

I now see what Vladik meant by details she left out. She will not let us touch her, she will not let me touch her at all, she threatened to cut my hand off, all I wanted to do was touch her hair 'cause it looked soft. She had blood down her front, she was wearing gloves, she is very frail and is being sick a lot. It is disgusting and she is too busy being an unresponsive unconscious bitch to clean it up.

-Kyrylo

Artsyom has been arrested.

Kyrylo here! OH MY GOD is this what it is like to blog? It's... really boring. Even this meth doesn't really liven it up.

Vladik and I, we're trying to keep all of his things together until we can bust him out. Or he busts himself out. You wouldn't believe the crap we're dealing with while he sits in a cozy cell. We have to keep finances, drugs, supplies, allies, we have to keep everything together. And we have to reunite him with his daughter. Which will be tough because his daughter is a prudish bitch.

Vladik says the version of events she gave on her blog is not quite right, when she asked for the weapons. I am so TERRIBLE at keeping secrets that Vladik hasn't told me ANYTHING.

Well, I don't need him, I'll set up a trap of my own. I will need a box, a stick, some string, and some Skittles. That oughta do it.

-Kyrylo

Fucking good day!

OK, so maybe I said or posted some brash things the other day, disowning is a serious thing and all, we all say shit we don't mean, get over it. Not my priority right now, though...

Cause someone's on edge, someone really hates me at the moment, someone in power. Either that or someone is following me...

Between spying on those arms dealers, I had a little project on the side. Kyrylo and I, we were scoping out an electronics store for a couple of days, I figured we'd get a great take from it. Alarm system was rapid response, so we disabled it. We thought about going in at night, but Kyrylo likes doing crowd control. It seemed like our standard Wednesday robbery at first; we crashed our van through the doors, overwhelmed the place. We got the guy on the register to pay up, and the customers to hand over their wallets and valuables.

But then guess what? These heavily armed bastards from SOBR are suddenly pulling up outside in their own vans, all hopping on our dicks with their guns and shit. 

Now I should probably explain something about Kyrylo. He has a Dying Man shard inside him, whom he calls Pchelka. Now, the case usually is that a bad shard possesses a kind-hearted guy. In the case of Kyrylo and Pchelka, a kind-hearted shard tried to possess an evil man. And Pchelka pretty much ended up as Kyrylo's bitch, having to do Kyrylo's bidding, heal him and possess other people and kill them for him. Hence why Alexandria was not able to kill him. Not to say Kyrylo wasn't pissed off; he was. Anyway, resisting a shard is what makes Kyrylo really remarkable to me, his crowd control tactics are boss, he's got an enthusiasm you won't find in anyone else.

And the moment he saw the SOBR dogs, he said to me, "Tyoma, you got any idea what kind of stuff must be in their vans? Military grade shit. We could fucking triple our take and have some good heat." Here's to you, Kyrylo. Now we have some fucking excellent weapons and one hell of a haul.

Now there's SOBR crawling all over the place, and military dogs, I can smell their stench from up here. I'm gonna find out who sent their asses up here, and then I'm gonna send them back down.

RELEASE

I've never really done this before.

It'd be simpler if there was paperwork involved, but there isn't.

Consider yourself disowned, Alexandria.

That'll do.

SCARRING

Well, here's what Alya had to say, what Incognito had to say and what Kelevra had to say.

So as y'all know I had to go after a shitstirrer. I don't know where Lovett got the idea that I dealt with the Archangel for it, since I've never dealt with the Archangel, the only source I think he could have got that from is his ass. That's where a lot of people get their "facts" about me from, oh how little they know.

So. Dimir. He is the Oracle for the Moscow area and top of the proxy ladder in Russia. He sent me a video, same one he sent Incognito. Now I know why – he was hoping we’d destroy each other. Hell, we nearly did.

I figured it was a trap, as I said I have dealt with Dimir before and you gotta make that shit airtight. I took weapons with me. I’m not an idiot. I was outright counting on him trying something. I didn't like how quiet the place was when I got there, to the extent where I was fucking thrilled when I saw a man with a bandana over his face sneak in through the back door. Didn't know what he was doing there at the time; he didn't look like one of Dimir's.

Me: "Who the fuck are you?"

?: "That's something I should be asking you."

If you feel the need to smokescreen yourself as well as hide your face... no, I’ll be the one asking the questions and you will be the one fucking answering them. But that wasn't the concern. When a person drops a smoke grenade, they want time and cover, they want to get moving and make plans. I had to stop that, needed to keep him still. So I just yelled at him

Me: "Packing some serious heat there, huh?  So you're fucking armed to the teeth and you're hiding your face and you came in through the back. You got something to hide. So. You. Answer."

Because he couldn't see, he was going to rely on his hearing, he'd hear me, he'd attack, most importantly he would keep still and I'd have a better idea of what he was up to.

I hadn't counted on him firing at me a lot until later, but whatever, he was straightforward and I am adaptable. Gripped a table, hauled it in front of me and let that take the fire, although I did take a bullet to the hip. The smoke was started to clear. I fired at a light above his position. How did I know his position? Well I gauged it from his gunfire; between bursts it hadn't changed, so I had him down as the kind of shooter who doesn't change position between open fire. It made me assume he was an amateur.

To be honest, perfectly honest – that was a pretty dangerous assumption I regret making; a shortcoming in one area doesn't equate a shortcoming in others. I am truly humbled that—oh, god, I can't write that with a straight face. What a prick he is.

When I shot the light, it crashed down, it went out just in time for me to see it smash over his arm which he’d put up to protect his head. Hahaha, I hope it still stings, bitch. I will never forget that, you know – I will never forget that you look left, right, in front of you, behind you, but not up.

After that we were both sneaking around in the dark. I moved in a zig-zag so that he would be less likely to run into me. It makes you harder to find, and it makes you harder to attack if you are found.

I found a counter of some kind, tested its stability, liked it. Good cover, with a little stream of light that improved my vision a teeny bit. A teeny bit can be the difference between life and death, everyone knows that.

Anyway, I tried to initiate battle now I was happy with my position.

Me: "Come on motherfucker, if it was your daughter in danger, you'd do whatever it fucking took to save her."

Silence. Some mumbling. Shuffling.

Finally,

?: "I have your daughter at gunpoint! If you want me not to unload a bullet in her skull, you will show yourself right now, no tricks."

Funny how he thought I had not mentally prepared myself for Alexandria to die before I got in here. What you think I am – an idiot that doesn't know that accidents happen? I put my arm on the top of the counter to make him think I was going to jump off, to throw him off course. Our earlier skirmish proved that location wasn't his strongest point, all the more reason to exploit it.

Me: "If you're making it a me-or-her decision, go ahead and shoot her."

On his post, the man thought I was stalling. Lol. No. I just look out for myself. That man would do the same, I know you would.

I heard a gunshot. I dived out of cover and saw Alexandria's limp body on the floor, head drenched in blood.

Me: "Whatever you wanted from her, you coulda just asked me; my prices don't sting, you know. 'Course, now I gotta fucking kill you now, haven't I?"

The man kicked a weapon out of his boot, then said, before opening fire,

?: "So you're Artsyom."

Me: "The one and fuckin' only."

I opened fire too. Pretty sure I got him once or twice, but the bastard was bulletproofed. Still kept firing. My daughter was dead, what did I have to lose? Until a bullet struck her and she jolted and gasped. Not typical behaviour of fresh dead bodies – and I have been around more than enough fresh dead bodies to know that. I ceased fire immediately.

Me: "Do you have a particular reason for pretending to kill my daughter? I mean, it's not too late to just say what you want and I'll tell you the price."

It was a bad idea to stop and taunt him. He ran up and kicked my precious AK right out of my hands and put the barrel of his M16 trash right to my head, looking me dead in the face. Empty eyes, I seen a million people like that, dead and cold to the core. I have one as a daughter. Hell, I see one every day when I look in the mirror and I like what I see.

?: "You alright?!"

I knew he wasn't talking to me. That was when I realised, he was trying to protect her. Now I knew his weakness was going to be Alexandria too; if he came all this way to save her then he would surely go further.

Me: "I'll give you two options. Option one is, I leave. Peacefully. I will not disturb you unless I run into you again, better prepared. Doesn't take a genius to realize I underestimated you. Option two is, you pull the trigger. Like every instinct is telling you to. So shoot, let the noise send Alexandria even deeper into shock. By the time you dispose of my dead body, by the time that fuckwit sends in his cavalry, she'll be dead."

?: "That's why I will use a knife, rather than a gun."

He took out his knife and pulled me towards it, we struggled.

That was when it hit me. This man was Incognito. He holds a gun and stance the way the military teaches, his equipment, he was a quintessential military dog. And he hadn't hurt Alexandria. He'd cut her ropes. He was the person trying to protect her. That shocked me. She's not his family. She's not useful to him. She's not an innocent. Cold-blooded killers don't have "friends" in the traditional sense of the word. Our "friends" are merely people who give us weapons, information and money. A shallow but functional life, and that's how we like it. We sure as shit aren't going to go on a suicide mission to save the already-broken, criminal young girl.

Then a shadow jumped out a surge of light, and kicked Incognito away from me. Kelevra. Who went totally HAL 9000 on him.

Ke: "I'm afraid I can't let you do that Incogny, this is Minxie's trophy."

He looked over at me.

Ke: "I see that ear didn't grow back yet."

No shit, Sherlock. Anyway, it was pretty obvious Incognito wanted to gun him down then and there, instead he ran back to Alexandria.

Me: "That's Incognito? And people say she sees that heartless bastard as a father figure? I saw him real close up. Ain't nothing left in his eyes. Shit's barren."

Ke: "I know, that's why I chose him."

Kelevra sounded proud. Yeah, I get it if you choose Incognito as a personal weapon taster if he's a cold ass motherfucker. But as a guardian? Yeah no. I glanced at him, he'd picked her up, he simply said

In: "As for the both of you, I will kill you later."

(Wow, I'm so scared that I jumped and dropped all the fucks I was giving.)

At first I thought I was imagining it, but no, we were all looking around for the source of a beeping noise. It sure wasn't a car alarm, even if it was I like to assume everything will kill me anyway. Call me a glass half full.

Ke: "Dimir you son of a bitch... let's go Artyomka, I'll take you for a ride."

He grabbed my hand and transported me to the park in Moscow where I first encountered him.

Ke: "Had your fun, Tarzan?"

Me: "Can't believe Dimir invited all of us. He knows how to throw a party."

Ke: "Indeed, he's a tricky bastard ain't he? You know him don't you? You met him before?"

I lit my cigarette, wondered how he knew that.

Me: "Yeah, quite a while ago actually."

Ke: "I have some time on my hands for a story."

I simplified it for his little brain.

Me: "Cătălina and I, when Alexandria was born, made a deal with him. Our family would be protected as long as we no longer interfered. That's how I met Dimir."

He stared at me, closely, curiously.

Ke: "And when Cătălina left your ass, you got all greedy and decided to terminate the deal. Am I right?"

He wasn't, not completely, plus a lot of details he doesn't have. But I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of knowing anything about me or Alexandria.

Ke: "I hope you do realize that I rescued you for personal reasons right? Minxie has a lot of anger pent up for you, I want her to kill you and only her. Next time, don't expect me to save you."

I'd give a fuck, but as we know, Incognito scared me so much I dropped them all.

What I told Kelevra is true.

I never told Alexandria we made a deal with Dimir – obviously, neither did Cătălina. Alya thought she was born in England, I was happy to let her think that.

Truth is, she was born in a hospital in Moscow. There were complications at birth, the results of which were looking bleak because of the medical equipment being fucked up by a delightful slender entity. But our daughter pulled through and finally we could hold her. Amazing how a child – something so delicate, can be so strong. We named her Alexandria; we loved the city and Cătălina's favourite saint was Catherine of Alexandria, one of the Great Martyrs, as she said.

Her being born in Moscow, was why Dimir was our port of call. I did not want to make the deal, I didn't trust Dimir. Still don’t. But Cătălina insisted. She was still worn out and in her hospital gown when she marched straight into the building holding Alya. Going straight for Dimir, she set our child in his arms, got down on her knees and made her request.

Don't mistake it for weakness. That woman was damn strong. Nobody just walks up to Dimir. That just ain't really a thing.

So, now Incognito hates me, yay, he can get to the back of the fucking queue if he wants to kill me.

Still, it bothers me. The realisation that this was who my own daughter chose to trust and admire in lieu of me was, for a tiny second, almost debilitating, because... what? Why? She let him near her, let him pick her up even. Whereas, if a normal person gives so much as glance in her general direction, she gets anxious, defensive, as for physical contact – forget it, no way, she'll flee or lash out. Even with me - no, especially with me.

I would have thought she would be afraid of him and his vacant dead eyes. But she wasn't, she has to have seen those eyes a lot, no, she wasn't afraid of him at all. Same goes for Kelevra. She should be afraid of them. But she isn't.

She's afraid of me.

HOSTILITIES

Gotta go deal with some shitstirrer. After all, I've done deals with him before. Wouldn't shy away now. Wonder how he feels. Maybe as shocked as I was when I saw, so many years later. But, maybe he's just in it for the shitstirring ticket. But then, that's not exactly his style. No, there's more to this. Guess I'll find out soon enough.

Either way. I shouldn't be long.

TOXIN

What a day. What a day what a day what a day. And what a HYPOCRITE she is.

Remember that money Alexandria took from McAllister and Andrei? That money went to getting hold of some arsenic. Why the fuck does that mean kitty prioritise my death over her personal safety? I don't know who her supplier was but I'm going to pull their tongue out through their ass, because if there's a market for arsenic, we want in on that shit.

What happened was, me and some of the gang rented a banya (sauna) for some laughs and drinks. We're careful with our drinks, I swear, and we make sure nobody spikes them. And nobody does. We never thought to check the banya's steam, though. But we ain't stupid, we knew something was up when we all started to complain about our headaches. Then Vladik threw up all over the drinks tray. So, we all hauled ass to the hospital.

Turns out someone had POISONED the water that makes the steam. Like FUCK. The owner of the banya told me she'd seen a teenage girl hanging around, but had thought nothing of it. It's true: a teenage girl won't do me any harm. It just pisses me off when she gets at least a bit close, though.

Nobody is seriously hurt. I am giving evidence to the police so they can catch that disobedient little tart. We're good pals, me and the police. 

They know who to hand her over to when they catch her.

Bye for now.

GALLOWS

Talmai, Talmai, Talmai. It's been so long since I even gave you a single thought. Nothing personal, although I'd like to remedy that now.

Usually I have prophetic dreams. But the other day I had a dream about something I once did. It was a refreshing change. But I realise I might have acted brashly. So this post is to apologise for what I did that day. Couldn't have been that long ago. Don't really remember.

Once upon a time I was working in Estonia. There was this eccentric Runner/Fighter guy from England who called himself Talmai. Twisted as fuck, but it was kind of endearing, if a bit annoying. Talmai was undercover in the proxy organisation, an infiltrator, along with his merry group. He'd brought his family along. He got to spend time with his daughters, he saw them and his wife every day. And even when he wasn't with them, he just never stopped talking about them. On and on and on. And on. And on! They invited me to their hotel. They were there as a family... so fucking... happy.

We did our shit, they had just gotten back to England when I gave an anonymous tip to the proxies that he was an infiltrator.

Not sure what happened next. All I know is, nobody's heard a peep from Talmai or his family or associates in over six months.

So, sorry Talmai. Think I reacted a bit harshly there. No hard feelings. Wish I could find your grave and not piss on your corpse. If you even have a grave. Or even a corpse.

DYSPHORIA

Hey, it's your favourite friend Tyoma. Well, I went out and did what I said I'd do - that is, kill Andrei and put the fear of God into McAllister. They were piss easy to track down, I swear to god, they spend too much time around tech. Well-off gangsters don't slip under the radar here. So, I hunted down their nice little residence, knocked on the door, because I was feeling generous that day.

An: "Who are you, and why are you here?"

Me: "I'm the stuff of your nightmares and I'm here to haunt your ass."

I pulled my hood down so he could see my eyes, what Alexandria and I share, green eyes. Like my mother, and her father, and her father's mother...

He went for his gun, good job I actually got to mine first, a? I put it to his empty head.

Me: "Drop your gun and I won't shoot. I'm not here to hurt you unless you hurt me."

Obviously that was a lie, but if you say it in the right tone of voice, people will think you're just trying to orchestrate the situation and that you'll leave them once you've got money or whatever.

An: "Easy now." He put the gun down slowly. "I don't know who you are, or why you're here, but nobody has to get hurt."

Nobody has to get hurt, readers. That's not to say nobody will get hurt. If you understand that, you're a good candidate for surviving longer than it takes for you to get to a bathroom when you have a turtlehead. Anyway, I'm not a fuckin idiot, I kicked his away gun hard enough for it to fly across the hallway and smash a vase.

Me: "You don't know who I am?" I turned the safety off. "Bullshit. Say my name or I'll blow your fucking head off."

An: "You that b- that girl's father?" 

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed him starting to lower his hands to the floor. Which I did not give him permission to do. Seriously. Does he have any sense of hostage etiquette?

Me: "Yeah, and you will keep your hands by your fucking head!"

He put his hands back up. A little less hastily than I would have liked to have seen, but, he was obedient and that's all you really need. The rest is just a bonus.

An: "And what are you doing here? Would've thought you'd be with the kid."

Me: "Told you, she ran off didn't she?" I gave him a few seconds to jog his memory, then said, "Hey. Andreika. What was your first word?"

He paused. I don't think he got it. Then he just said

An: "What?"

Me: "Weird how your first word was English, anyway, take comfort that it's your last-"

And I pulled the trigger and watched his skull collapse in at the back and burst, blasting brains and blood and bits down the hallway. It was pleasant enough; had a nice trajectory.

Next for everyone's favourite babochka. McAllister. He had gotten on the phone and was talking to some prick

McA: "Situation in Russia, come armed, Andrei's hurt bring a medic."

I went in, twisted his arm until he dropped the phone and onto his knees like the little bitch he is.

Me: "Situation in Russia?" It was unprofessional of me but I couldn't help lol'ing. "Do you have any motherfucking idea how big Russia is?" (Hint: Russia is so huge, that even my dick thinks it's pretty big.)  "As for Andrei. You might need a coroner, not a medic."

McA: "You... you're here to kill me, aren't you?"

Me: "Yeah. Glad we could skip to that. It can get so exhausting trying to hint at it." I whacked him with my 9mm until he was on the floor. "First you get to feel something at least close the same fear my little girl felt." Then started punching and kicking him in the weak spots. Stomach, face, ballsack. And he curled into a ball. Like a fucking foetus. Christ, what a cowardly little bitch.

He had it coming to him, anyway. Once I was really starting to get into it, although trying to keep him somewhat conscious, there was a gunshot and the light went out. Had to get my gun back out.

Me: "Who the fuck's there?"

Another shot. Whoever the bastard shooting was, he grazed me. What a crap shot he is. He's gonna be sorry when I get my fucking hands on him.

Whoever it was fired again, in an enclosed environment it's best not to risk it; I ran, got my ass back here, cleaned the blood of my boots, and I'm gonna get faded as feck tonight. Having fun today.

FESTER

I am not a failure.

Jason Eddowes was a failure.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -   -   -   -   - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

DATE UNKNOWN

CHESHIRE AND WIRRAL PARTNERSHIP - NHS - CHILD AND ADOLESCENT MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES (CAMHS)

AJM: And I think I could eat. I know I could eat. But I choose not to.

JFA: Why do you choose not to?

AJM: Because I can.

JFA: Sanna, do you feel you have control over your life?

AJM: Uh... sometimes I feel like I'm... I don't know – scared? I just don't want any trouble, you know? I apologise like crazy because I don't want to upset anyone. It's like walking in a jungle at night trying not to wake the lions- sorry, I'm not making any sense.

JFA: That's OK; this is good, Sanna. Where are you living right now?

AJM: Alvanley. Jason works at Stanlow.

JFA: Do you get along with him?

AJM: ...Yeah, he's alright.

JFA: Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you hesitated.

AJM: We have our ups and downs. He's fine. Really. So-

JFA: It's to my understanding that he was the subject of a number of domestic dispute calls regarding your household.

AJM: I said we have our ups and downs.

JFA: Sanna, every family has arguments. But there comes a point where some families cross certain boundaries that can leave some members very unhappy, or even injured.

AJM: Mmm hmm.

JFA: Has that ever happened at your house?

AJM: ...No.

JFA: How do Jason and your mother get along?

AJM: Fine. As long as it's all in order.

JFA: Order?

AJM: I told you, Jason works at Stanlow, in summer months he has to deal with a lot of protesters, he's always really stressed out when he gets back. And if Mam ever wants to go out, he insists on going with her and it tires him out even more.

JFA: Hmm. Whatever is happening in your home – does it make you feel unhappy?

AJM: Kind of.

JFA: Does it affect your schoolwork? 

AJM: Yes.

JFA: Does it affect your social life?

AJM: Yeah.

JFA: When was the last time you felt safe and happy?

AJM: [silence, although a sob and mild audio distortion can be heard]

JFA: Sanna?

AJM: ...I can't remember, sorry.

JFA: Can you think of anything that would potentially make you feel safe and happy?

AJM: Not off the top of my head.

JFA: Your father, perhaps?

AJM: Depends on what he's like, I suppose.

JFA: Do you often think of your father?

AJM: Well... I think of who he might be. Like sometimes I dream about how it could be, if it had been different.

JFA: Can you describe him in those dreams?

AJM: Not really. I just imagine a hug, an embrace, not really looking at the person I'm hugging, just kind of... knowing that's he's my dad. The sense of someone who's kind of a guide, a guardian... well, a parent, really.

JFA: Is the hug returned? Does he say anything?

AJM: No, and no. He doesn't have to say anything. I just know he's the person I want to call my father, and that's all that matters.

JFA: If you could meet him now, what would you say to him?

AJM: I'd say... uh... 'I love you, but I wish I could have known you before. I don't understand why you left.'

JFA: Do you believe he had a good reason to leave?

AJM: I'd like to.

JFA: But you don't.

AJM: Yeah. I can't think of any reason why I couldn't get... at least a phone call, you know? But Mam and Jason aren't very receptive when I talk about it.

JFA: Does that bother you?

AJM: Sometimes it bothers me a lot. Sometimes I think, hey, I don't need a dad, I don't need parents. I can find my own way.

JFA: Can you?

AJM: [sigh] Would I be here if I could?

Cătălina's Research - Part #1

Cătălina, I'm just doing what I know you would want me to do. You would want this published, somewhere, for someone. 

Cătălina was more than the love of my life. She was my obsession, GOD DAMN IT. You NEVER saw someone as beautiful as her, I never knew anyone who DANCED like her, Cătălina drove me crazy before crazy was cool. Everyone wanted to be around my Cătălina, she was so... magnetic, so teasing, it drove me crazy. She was my fucking GODDESS. And she let ME in. She showed me her vulnerabilities, her troubles, her scars, yet... she was no less BEAUTIFUL to ME, maybe more so, she was GOLD from surface to core and I will continue to hunt people who are even remotely responsible for her death. Call me mad if you want. But you don't know me and you didn't know her.

Anyway, here is the first segment of her research I've typed up:

Six years ago I began an investigation into the psychosocial nature of proxies, including but not limited to their social structures and backgrounds. As of writing this, I have studied 352 proxy societies across Europe, Asia and Africa, and have some striking trends and patterns I would like to share.

I classed an individual as a proxy when they met the following criteria:

1) Human, or at least originally human

2) Professed to serve, or shows a tendency to serve, the Slender Man. The individual cannot serve any other Fear in a formal capacity.

3) Engaged in manual or non-manual labour for the progression of its interests and the interests of its associates

#1 – The Undermask

I classified an individual as an Undermask if they meet the following criteria:

1) Meets the criteria for a proxy.

2) Is rewarded for, or compelled or coerced into, engaging in physically and emotionally demanding labour on behalf of the Slender Man and those that associate with it.

3) The individual cannot be in any official or socially approved position of leadership.

I have named them for the masks that Undermasks in Western societies tend to wear - however, a mask is not necessary to be classed as an Undermask.

My research indicated that the Undermask is the most common type of proxy. Undermasks I interviewed described their own activities as “grunt work”, “dirty work”, and semantic, cross-cultural and lingual equivalents.

Those most at risk of engaging in proxy behaviour are male adolescents from low income urban areas.

Trends:

-Most reported having been bullied or abused at some point in their lives

-Low self-esteem

-Exponentially increased risk of criminal behaviour 

-Increased risk of victimisation

-Higher risk of suicide

-Traits of personality and mood disorders

-Higher risk of developing a drug or alcohol addiction

-Symptoms of psychosis

-Increased azoth in the system, inducing coughing and other health complications.

It should be noted that the above are factors associated with low income and poverty. Comparing it to research on poverty and low income areas, it is apparent that being an Undermask exacerbates the above factors. 

Suggestions:

-Create more activities for adolescents

-Support groups for adolescents in low income areas

-Instill measures for recognising addictions, disorders and psychosis within hospitals, schools, youth clubs and workplaces.

-Provide resources to treat and minimise the impact of addictions, disorders and psychosis.

-De-stigmatise addictions, disorders and psychosis to improve likelihood of diagnosis

-Improve community relations

INCISION

Hey, this blog is about that tall skinny thing that's not a supermodel. Don't know what I'm talking about? How about that thing in a gas mask? That thing that's all eyes? None of this familiar? Then GTFO, for your own good.

Those of you who are still with me. I sympathise. You probably still hate me, though, and I understand that.

At least, I try to.

I'm starting to see the appeal of blogging. Talking about how you feel is always going to be healthy and cathartic, no matter who you are.

Let's get to know each other. Here are 13 facts about me:

1. My name is Artsyom, although some people call me Artyom

2. Belarusian and proud

3. Alexandria's my daughter and I did not abandon her

4. I'm a Runner

5. But I have a pact with a certain Fear

6. I've been running since I was ten

7. I'm 37

8. Under a full moon, I have prophetic dreams

9. I like slow walks in the park and driving very very fast

10. My favourite animals are rabbits and I would never ever hunt them

11. My weapon of choice is your face, usually when I attack the floor with it

12. I have surprisingly few problems with the world

13. I end as many lives as I save

Anyway, I'm busy, see you all around.